Are smartphones to blame for the teen loneliness epidemic?

In theory, loneliness shouldn’t be a thing anymore, right? 

In the age of hyper-connectivity, rapid information, and connecting with people across the globe at just the click of a button, it seems impossible that somehow we could ever feel lonely.

And yet, that’s exactly what the research reveals time and time again—we’re a society that feels separate, together. Teens, in particular, are lonelier than ever, and much of the problem is due to the very technology that should be uniting us. 

What the research says

A recent study lead by Jean M. Twenge of San Diego State University examined groups of 16-year-olds in 37 countries over several years: 2000, 2003, 2012, 2015, and 2018. 

The study used data from the Programme for International Student Assessment (PISA), an international assessment for 15-year-olds.

What happened after 2012 to suddenly make teens in multiple countries more lonely? 

Prior to 2012, the trends had been largely flat. However, between 2012 and 2018, nearly twice as many teenagers reported increased levels of school loneliness, which is known to be a precursor to depression and other mental health concerns. 

The uptick in loneliness post-2012 was found in 36 of the 37 countries in the PISA study. South Korea was the only country in the study that did not see an increase in loneliness, possibly because smartphones were popular before 2012. 

What happened after 2012 to suddenly make teens in multiple countries more lonely? 

Researchers believe this was when smartphone ownership spiked for teens. This was also when Facebook became increasingly popular among teens. 

Now, nearly a decade later, the most recent study of teens and social media and smartphones use by Pew Research Center estimates that 95% of teens own a smartphone and, of those, 75% have at least one social media account, which they check multiple times per day.

What loneliness does to teenagers

Humans are social animals. With our hard-wiring for connection, modern loneliness can be incredibly painful on the psyche, akin to being cast out of our ancient tribe and left to fend for ourselves. Our primal nervous systems still don’t know the difference.

Teen loneliness is closely related to depression, says Dr. Holly Schiff, a licensed clinical psychologist in both Connecticut and New York.

“The part of the brain that regulates emotions is still maturing in teens, therefore, they feel the negative emotional impact of loneliness more intensely,” she says.

Loneliness can wreak havoc on your health, from interrupting your sleep cycle to increasing the odds that you will turn to substances to cope.

Some signs of loneliness in teenagers include:

• acting out

• angry outbursts

• losing interest in hobbies

• lowered self-esteem

• negative life outlook

• reduced self-care and hygiene

• risk-taking behavior

• staying in their room

• suicidal ideation

• withdrawing from loved ones

Social media and loneliness

Social media is a double-edged sword, says Dr. Suraji Wagage, a licensed clinical psychologist in Los Angeles.

On the one hand, it provides round-the-clock access to your network. On the other hand, it’s all too easy to compare your life to other people, which can contribute to increased depression, anxiety, and, of course, loneliness.

Exclusionary climate

Access to social media can create an exclusionary climate that fosters isolation, particularly among females. It can also cause cyberbullying. 

In fact, a teen doesn’t even have to use social media for it to be detrimental. If a teen's friends have access to social media, those friends will be less available for in-person encounters. 

Impact of COVID-19

If you’ve noticed your teen feeling more lonely since the start of the pandemic, it’s not your imagination. 

For teens, the pandemic hits extra hard for developmental reasons.

“Research shows that adolescents also have a higher need for social interaction than adults, exacerbating the difficulty they may experience when most opportunities to interact face-to-face with peers are curtailed,” says Dr. Wagage.

If you’re hoping that your teenager will reduce social media time, be sure to model that behavior in front of them.

“Relative to adults, teens exhibit heightened emotionality and less well-developed coping and emotion regulation skills, leaving them worse equipped to manage crises, particularly when these crises are accompanied by a loss of social support.”

All the social and emotional struggles of teenagehood are heightened by the increase in screen time also brought about by the pandemic, which has led to more time on social media.

How to help teens combat loneliness

It’s difficult to see your child struggling, that’s for sure. If you’re at a loss for how to help, there are a few things you can try.

Mute social media

Research on young adults shows that limiting the use of social media to just 30 minutes a day can reduce feelings of loneliness and depression. One easy way to reduce the allure of social media is to simply mute notifications.

While “laying down the law” about social media and electronics use can lead to conflict and heightened tension, having a meaningful conversation with your teen about how the digital world can make them feel worse can help them draw their own conclusions. 

Be present

Ask your teen how they are doing regularly, even if they seem like they don’t want to talk about it. It may surprise you what comes up. Hold space and listen with an open ear, abstaining from giving advice unless they ask for it. 

If they genuinely don’t want to discuss their feelings, you can still be there and present with them by sharing an activity, or even just being physically near them so they know you are there for them. 

Model offline behavior

If you’re hoping that your teenager will reduce social media time, be sure to model that behavior in front of them. Let them see you eating meals without scrolling on your phone, and practice shutting down your computer at a reasonable time. Not only will they learn positive habits from you, but you’ll reap the benefits of reduced screen time, too.

Consider therapy

If your teenager’s loneliness is constant and severe enough that it’s getting in the way of their happiness, relationships, school, or work, encourage some form of therapy. Therapy can give teens a place to vent their feelings and learn positive coping skills. 

Perhaps celebrated psychologist Carl Jung said it best: “Loneliness does not come from having no one around us but being unable to communicate the things that matter most to us.” 

Remember that with relationships, the best measure of value is quality over quantity. People who truly feel heard by those in their lives are less likely to feel lonely.

‌Twenge, J. M., Haidt, J., Blake, A. B., McAllister, C., Lemon, H., & Le Roy, A. (2021). Worldwide increases in adolescent loneliness. Journal of Adolescence, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.adolescence.2021.06.006