Scott David Clift

Find out more at www.embracingyourwholeness.com At Connexus, I operate from five core beliefs about creating the change we seek, change that is deep, sustainable and permanent. 1. Change must occur concurrently in mind, heart, body, and soul. If change only happens in one area of our being (even if they are well-intentioned changes), it inherently causes imbalance in our system. Such imbalance cannot be sustained for long. Everything about the Conscious Growth & Healing work is about integration. The Mind (thoughts, beliefs, values, psychology, ego, language, stories, etc.) The Heart (feelings, emotions, behaviors, attachments, etc.) The Body (reflexes, neurobiology, chemistry, nutrition, chronic illness) The Soul (energy, purpose, mission, meaning) Mind Heart Body Soul Our on-going struggles in life are the result of our Parts being misaligned and out of balance with each other: one part is given too much privilege to be in charge, or other parts are habitually dominated. For example, there is a deeply valued approach in our culture that if we just “put our minds to something”, we can accomplish it. This inherently promotes an imbalance as it privileges the mind over the other systems in the body or the emotions. While this may work extremely well in certain situations, when it comes to seeking change in our personal and interpersonal lives, it is all too likely to recreate the very problem we are trying to resolve. In so many ways, we have been both taught or allowed to believe that an imbalanced relationship between our Parts is normal. Only by deepening and exploring our experiences in all three Parts can we begin working in closer alignment with ourselves. The changes we have longed to make real in our lives then begin to emerge. Old habits begin falling away. New feelings and sensations emerge as if on their own. And the effort of change as we have known it is filled with ease and confidence. It is from this primary principle that my tagline–“Embracing Your Wholeness”–emerges. 2. Change requires a new capacity to be built first. Change, no matter whether it is beneficial or detrimental, always creates stress on the system of balance in our mind, heart, and body. As humans, we are prone to seek security through familiarity, and stepping into a unfamiliar thought, feelings, or sensation is disorienting. It is new and unfamiliar, and that can lead us to feeling vulnerable and exposed. Unless we are conscious of this, we all too easily slip back to old patterns of familiarity when the process of change starts to feel uncomfortable. Without a new capacity in place, the stress of any change or transformation will not be tolerated by the body/mind/heart system. One easy way to understand this principle is that any change, even if it is a positive change, creates stress in some part of us. Many of our change attempts in the past have only served to “max out” our tolerance for stress, leaving us feeling overwhelmed (or just making excuses as to why we shouldn’t stick with the change). So we don’t stick with the new, and go back to the old. Therefore, if we are going to set off a mini-explosion of stress our system has never been able to tolerate previously, we must have access to a bigger, stronger, and more resilient container able to withstand the explosion. Building that expanded container involves a process I frequently refer to as “resourcing”. In reality, it is a process managed and directed by our soul, for it is the soul that fundamentally guides the evolution of the mind, heart, and body. We may not be familiar such a paradigm, in part because there has been so much programming in our culture that has caused us to see ethereal concepts of the soul and spirit as being disconnected from our “real” experience. However, unless we seek to integrate our whole experience as humans, learn how our mind, heart, body, and soul are connected and interact with each other, we are at the risk of continuing to be fractured, and the work of truly healing will be very slow, if not downright impossible. 3. Change cannot happen in isolation. In order for true change to take place, we must feel and trust that we are connected in meaningful ways with those around us (friends, family, partners, community, etc.). In the process of intentionally destabilizing our systems of familiarity in order to rework an old pattern, it is vital that we are able to trust that doing so will not cause us to be judged, rejected, or shamed because of the change we are making. We live in a society that in many ways promotes as normal a sense of deep disconnectedness. As a result, so many of us are conflicted and feel insecure about the depth of connection we have with others, and we perpetuate these insecurities in the stories we carry out in our thoughts, feelings, and actions. We cycle through feelings of self-shame or resentment of others, returning over and over again to old strategies in our attempt to resolve these overwhelming feelings. Only when we can feel seen, heard, and safe do our experiences begin to shift and change. This is a relational process that must be in place to support our change. We must know and feel that we are not alone. We must feel connected to ourselves, to others, and to our world, and know with a confidence felt in all of our parts that we belong to something greater than us. While other human beings can play a vital role in feeling supported, if all we are focused on is how we are (or aren’t!) supported by people, we will inevitably continue to feel disappointed. Our connection with our soul and with its relationship with our spiritual allies (Divinity, God, The Universe, Source, Creator, Mother Earth, Angels, gods, goddesses, etc.) is vital to being able to achieve the depths of healing and growth that we are longing for. 4. Change is always organic. I reject any one-size-fits all approach. I believe that all people and their groups are built for growth and expansion, and that any one formula or prescription for this goes against our very nature. The most needed change can rarely be pre-defined. Our mechanisms (mind, heart, and body systems) we use for assessing problems and determining their solutions are inevitably built on old and undesired experiences, the very experiences and ways of relating to our problem that we are trying to get away from. Our mind gets wired around what we have known, and is therefore limited and ineffective at identifying—much less solving—what the problems are. How then can we use our that programmed mind to identity the way forward into what we don’t know? Rather than focusing on a new what (e.g. “My goal is….”, “My objective is….”), I emphasize focusing on a new how (“I will practice in a new way”), trusting that the new what will emerge only when the new how has taken root. 5. Change always involves a kind of disruption. Even when change is good and beneficial, angst is likely experienced, whether we acknowledge it or not. Many times, this angst can be cause resistance in any or all of our body, our heart, and our mind. This angst, when unprepared for and unacknowledged, will keep driving us back to our old habits and strategies, even if we know they won’t really work. The phrase “Loving Our Fear” summarizes for us simply, yet so powerfully, what I am all about. It presumes (and accepts!) that we all have the capacity for incredible fear, but that our capacity for even greater and more powerful love is within us as well. In fact, it is our birthright to know the confidence of love inside of ourselves, able to hold and contain, and then to melt, any fear that may arise. I am often misunderstood when my clients hear me refer to love. In this work, love is not a feeling, a thought, a belief, or a set of behaviors. Love cannot be defined by a set of expectations, rules, or procedures. It is neither an action, nor is it a choice. It is not something we can control nor manipulate. Love is both us, and not us. It is ours to use and tap into, but it is not ours to own. Love is a powerful force of creating something truly new, the force that drives our courage to connect more deeply, to keep moving forward even when we are confused and scared. I use the word love to refer to the most powerful force and energy that we are connected to. Many may use other terms for this energy: Life-force, God/Goddess, The Universe, Nature, etc. It doesn’t matter what word you may identify with best. I use this word “love” because it inspires in us both something that is both part of us and also moves within us at all times We recognize we will never define what love is, yet we accept it as being what empowers us to embrace our fear. And in embracing our fear, we ultimately know that we are embracing a greater wholeness within ourselves.