Dustin Hodgkin, LMFT

As you process the above statement about being right or remaining married, you’re likely thinking that sounds like a bitter pill to swallow. You might even be rejecting the sentiment all together, and that’s perfectly fine. It’s taken even me and my wife some time to accept that their is no room for so-called objective reality in our intimate relationship. During therapy, I’ll teach you and your partner to imagine you’re at the customer service window. Specifically, when your partner comes to you in a state of disrepair and their giving you an ear full of their subjective reality, be generous and seek to validate even a portion of their complaints and see them soften. Of course this is easier said than done. Yet, over the course of therapy you’ll develop the desire and skill to replicate this fiercely intimate way of life. The two of you will feel joy and empowerment to a degree you’ll never want to go back to your old broken selves. Relationship problems are rarely a 50/50 split. Due to that reality, as your therapist I will choose sides when necessary. Surprising? I'll side with the partner whose been seeking greater relational intimacy. The partner whose been pleading for the other to show up. This leverage is what helps you achieve lasting breakthrough results in your love life. Therapist neutrality would only keep your relationship stuck. I give the "hounding" spouse a break by taking on the avoidant, disconnected, emotionally unavailable partner. Having said that, my clients also experience my approach to be gentle and compassionate. As a therapist I see myself in a same-as stance. In other words, I'm one of you. I too am striving to break out of the dysfunctional self-centered shackles and live a more connected and loving relational life.