Q: How do you know it's time to give up on a relationship?

Being in love undoubtedly feels good, but love isn&#39;t always the only thing that makes a relationship last. The feelings that come with romantic love can be so strong as to convince people to hang on to an unhealthy, unfulfilling, and unhappy relationship. However, partners must learn to read signs that it is time to let go. Ideally, if your needs are not being met, it is time to go. These needs can be emotional, like wanting quality time to spend with loved ones, or physical, like financial or intimacy needs. Besides, if your relationship leaves you unhappy because you spend more time fighting than talking, it may be time to end it.

Q: Why do most relationships fail?

According to <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/rediscovering-love/201708/10-reasons-some-people-just-cant-let-go-ex" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Psychology Today</a>, most relationships fizzle out because of several typical issues such as lack of trust, differences in expectations, and compatibility issues, among many others. Trust issues can occur due to infidelity, jealousy, possessiveness, lack of emotional support, and lack of mutually supportive goals, among other issues. Without trust, a relationship misses essential anchors to a strong bond; safety and security.Relationships can also fail due to a difference in expectations between couples. Over time, couples&#39; expectations in a relationship may differ as each starts pursuing their own goals and plans. Couples can also have compatibility issues that include missing intimacy, differences in personality types, and attachment styles.<h2>Do you know your attachment style? </h2>Take this free, online<a href="https://meetmonarch.com/quizzes/attachment-style" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"> Attachment Styles Quiz</a> today to find out your attachment style. Get a free, customized report too! Knowing your attachment style is the first step to understanding why you act the way you do.

Question 1

Which therapy is best for relationship problems?

Accepted Answer

There are multiple types of therapy that can be useful for addressing relationship problems. The best option for you will be determined by the issues you’re facing in your relationship, and you and your partner’s preferences. Three common types of therapy couples can consider are:

1. Gottman Method Couples Therapy: Developed by husband and wife psychologists John and Julie Gottman, the Gottman Method is based on 40 years of scientific research focused on behavioral patterns in successful and unsuccessful relationships.

2. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): CBT was first developed as a form of individual therapy to help address difficulties such as anxiety and depression. It is based on the idea that because your thoughts impact your behavior, reframing how you think of situations can help you to better cope with them. CBT for couples applies this concept to issues affecting relationships.

3. Discernment counseling: Created in 2008 for couples struggling to resolve a disagreement, discernment counseling can be especially useful for those struggling to see eye-to-eye on a decision they are making together. Couples who disagree about parenting or financial decisions, or even whether to continue pursuing their relationship, may find discernment counseling helpful.

Do you know your attachment style?

Take this free, online Attachment Styles Quiz today to find out your attachment style. Get a free, customized report too! Knowing your attachment style is the first step to understanding why you act the way you do.

Question 2

Can therapy fix my relationship?

Accepted Answer

How therapy can help “fix” your relationship will vary from one situation to the next. Relationship therapists and couples counselors can offer tools for dealing with all kinds of circumstances. They can help you address issues ranging from parenting frustrations, to emotional or financial problems, to infidelity.

If both partners are committed, every couple can benefit from therapy, whether you are in a serious long term relationship or dating more casually.

Keep in mind that therapy isn’t a quick fix—both people in the relationship will need to put in the work. However, with time and commitment, therapy can help you strengthen your relationship and find happiness with your partner.

Question 3

Can codependents have healthy relationships?

Accepted Answer

No, codependents usually cannot have healthy relationships without first getting treatment for their codependency. They tend to have many short-lived relationships because their neediness often becomes too much for their partner. Codependent behavior is often ingrained in a person from a young age. Therefore, seeking help from a professional can help codependents learn how to behave in order to have fulfilling, healthy relationships.

In a healthy relationship, it's normal to depend on your spouse for comfort and support. However, healthy relationships find a balance between each person's capacity to be self-supporting and independent and their ability to need support. It's when a person needs constant support and is unable to do things on their own that things can get toxic.

Getting professional help for codependency usually involves learning what triggers unhealthy, toxic behavior in relationships, and how to avoid these triggers. It's also important that codependents recognize what is and is not normal relationship behavior, and learn to become independent by finding their own hobbies, interests, and friends outside their relationship.

Do you know your attachment style?

Take this free, online Attachment Styles Quiz today to find out your attachment style. Get a free, customized report too! Knowing your attachment style is the first step to understanding why you act the way you do.

Need to find a therapist near you? Check out the Monarch Directory by SimplePractice to find licensed mental health therapists with availability and online booking.

Question 4

How do you fix relationship problems?

Accepted Answer

Fixing relationship problems depends on many factors such as the size of the actual problem, how long it has existed, if both parties want to fix the problems, etc.

There is always the option of couples counseling, which is the best method to ensure the relationship survives, assuming the problems are relatively new. However, for those who cannot afford therapy, there are some other things that may fix relationship problems.

For example, new research has found that simply envisioning the future may help overcome relationship problems. Other research has found that taking a step back and adopting a disconnected, fly-on-the-wall-type outlook can also be an effective way to help resolve relationship conflict.

By taking on this third-person mentality, the person may be better able to see if he or she is reacting to the situation in a way that is reasonable.

Here are some three tips that may help to fix relationship problems:

Treat your partner with kindness. It’s very easy to be critical of a person if they have certain habits you find annoying. However, when you pick a person apart and catalog their flaws (either in your head or vocally during an argument), you risk the chance of your feeling snowballing. Instead, it’s best to act with kindness. Accept your partner, flaws and all. Lead with love, not with disdain. So, whenever you find your mind beginning to count all the things that drive you nuts about your spouse, refocus your thinking.
Be quick to forgive. Holding on to a spouse’s past missteps is a recipe for disaster. It’s best to deal with problems as they arise and then move on.
Avoid using absolute words like “always” or “never”. These words tend to cause pointless arguments that rarely fix relationship problems. Why? Because they are used in statements that most likely aren’t true. For example, you may say, “you never help with the dishes“. However, has he or she really never helped, not even once? Most likely they have, just not as consistently as you would prefer. A likely response may include a laundry list of every time they did the dishes. Instead, to better address this issue, it’s more productive to say, “While I appreciate when you help with the dishes, on most days, you don’t help. Could we agree to a more equal division of this chore?”

Regardless of how you approach fixing relationship issues, it’s important to understand that there is no such thing as a conflict-free relationship. Whether it’s about doing the dishes, having enough sex, or financial disagreements, conflicts are simply part of being in a relationship.

Do you know your attachment style?

Take this free, online Attachment Styles Quiz today to find out your attachment style. Get a free, customized report too! Knowing your attachment style is the first step to understanding why you act the way you do.

Do you know your attachment style?

Take this free, online Attachment Styles Quiz today to find out your attachment style. Get a free, customized report too! Knowing your attachment style is the first step to understanding why you act the way you do.

Question 7

What are signs of a healthy relationship?

Accepted Answer

The hallmarks of a healthy relationship include open communication, trust between partners, teamwork, intimacy, and many others. Partners should talk freely about everything in their lives, including successes, failures, expectations, and everything in between.

Another sign of a healthy relationship is trust and integrity. Partners should enjoy solid trust with no secrets kept from each other. Healthy relationships should also have an interdependency aspect. Ideally, couples should rely on each other for mutual support while maintaining their identity as unique individuals.

Curiosity is another essential characteristic of long term love where partners show genuine interest in each other's thoughts, goals, and daily life. Other signs of a healthy relationship include playfulness or lightness, physical intimacy, teamwork, and excellent conflict resolution mechanism.

Do you know your attachment style?

Take this free, online Attachment Styles Quiz today to find out your attachment style. Get a free, customized report too! Knowing your attachment style is the first step to understanding why you act the way you do.

Question 8

What are the three C's of healthy relationships?

Accepted Answer

The three C's of a healthy relationship are:

Communication
Compromise
Commitment

Definitions of each type are included below:

Communication in a relationship is vital to make a partner feel needed, desired, and appreciated. Communication is both verbal and non-verbal, and couples should learn to cultivate robust and easy conversation with each other on any topic. Healthy communication is not always about talking but more about listening and acting. Likewise, it is not what is said that is important but how it is said.

Compromise is critical for a healthy relationship. Ideally, partners share different personalities, experiences, thoughts, and behaviors. Finding common grounds means agreeing on a compromise that makes both partners feel heard and understood.

Commitment typically means putting each other and the relationship first. Commitments need a lot of giving and sacrifice that brings joy and fulfillment to each other's lives. When each partner knows the other is committed, building trust and intimacy becomes easy.

Do you know your attachment style?

Take this free, online Attachment Styles Quiz today to find out your attachment style. Get a free, customized report too! Knowing your attachment style is the first step to understanding why you act the way you do.

Do you know your attachment style?

Take this free, online Attachment Styles Quiz today to find out your attachment style. Get a free, customized report too! Knowing your attachment style is the first step to understanding why you act the way you do.

Question 10

How long does it take to get over a breakup?

Accepted Answer

No matter the details, the end of a relationship is rarely smooth. In the aftermath of a breakup, you may wonder how long these feelings—sadness, anger, loneliness, regret, jealousy, and the list goes on—can possibly last. Fortunately, researchers have been working to find the answer.

According to one study, it took 155 college students approximately 3 months to start feeling better after a “low-quality” relationship. Other research indicated that for those going through a divorce, the timeline to healing was closer to 18 months. One (admittedly less scientific) source even came up with an elaborate formula to help you predict how long your pain will last, taking into account a slew of details to help hone in on the light at the end of the tunnel.

While a reliable heartbreak equation may still be out of reach, it is a good idea to consider the specifics of your situation.

Some questions you can ask yourself to help you determine how long it will take you to get over your breakup include:

Who decided to end the relationship?
Were you in love?
Were you cheated on?
How long were you together?
Can you start dating again? Do you want to?
Did you live together, or own property together?
Do you have children with your ex, or children who have a relationship with them?

All of these factors can affect how long it takes you to get over a breakup, along with many others. Everyone is unique, and we all react to heartbreak differently. What’s more, giving your feelings a deadline—even one based on research—can end up stunting the emotional process you need to go through to truly heal.

The most important thing to remember is that, no matter how long it takes, you will get over your breakup eventually. Time may not heal all wounds, but it does make old experiences hurt less by introducing new opportunities to feel love and happiness in all kinds of ways.

Do you know your attachment style?

Take this free, online Attachment Styles Quiz today to find out your attachment style. Get a free, customized report too! Knowing your attachment style is the first step to understanding why you act the way you do.

Question 11

Why do most relationships fail?

Accepted Answer

According to Psychology Today, most relationships fizzle out because of several typical issues such as lack of trust, differences in expectations, and compatibility issues, among many others.

Trust issues can occur due to infidelity, jealousy, possessiveness, lack of emotional support, and lack of mutually supportive goals, among other issues. Without trust, a relationship misses essential anchors to a strong bond; safety and security.

Relationships can also fail due to a difference in expectations between couples. Over time, couples' expectations in a relationship may differ as each starts pursuing their own goals and plans. Couples can also have compatibility issues that include missing intimacy, differences in personality types, and attachment styles.

Do you know your attachment style?

Take this free, online Attachment Styles Quiz today to find out your attachment style. Get a free, customized report too! Knowing your attachment style is the first step to understanding why you act the way you do.

Which therapy is best for relationship problems?

Do you know your attachment style?

Related questions about relationship issues

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