Q: What's an example of a kink?

According to a <a href="https://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/a-new-survey-reveals-top-10-sexual-kinks-during-covid-19-lockdown-301063398.html" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">2020 survey</a>, these are the most practiced kinks during the COVID-19 pandemic: <ul role="presentation"> <li>Virtual sex</li><li>Dom/Sub</li><li>Orgasm control</li><li>Bondage</li><li>Anal play</li><li>Age Play</li><li>Foot fetish</li><li>Role play</li><li>Voyeurism</li><li>Sadism/masochism</li> </ul> Kink refers to any &quot;non-conventional&quot; sexual fantasy, desire, or practice such as bondage, discipline (or domination), sadism (or submission) (BDSM). The word kink implies a &quot;bend&quot; in a person&#39;s sexual preference compared to traditional sexual behavior. A kink lifestyle or sexuality is different from a typical vanilla relationship. In short, a kink is a bend from a straight line.A kink lifestyle includes any sexual preference that lies outside of the &quot;normal&quot; definition. There are different kinks, which primarily involve sexual partners trying new sexy things such as voyeurism, fetishism, masochism, and other erotic fetishes.<a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/26941021" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Research</a> published by Quebec psychologist Christian Joyal in 2016 found out that almost 50% of people reported interest in at least one or more erotic preferences, which could be described as &quot;kinky&quot;,

Question 1

What is kink affirming therapy?

Accepted Answer

Kink-affirming therapy is a treatment method that aims to remove the shame that those who engage in a kinky sexual lifestyle may encounter.

While many therapists are now gay-affirmative, finding a therapist that supports and is knowledgeable about alternative sexual lifestyles that include BDSM or other erotic fetishes.

In fact, some mental health professionals believe fetishes may hinder sexual intimacy. Kink-affirming therapy aims to help clients integrate their kinks into their sexual life and enjoy it.

A kink-aware therapist accepts and respects the lifestyle of their clients, just as they are. They create a safe space for discussion of their sexual life freely without the worry of shame, embarrassment, or judgment.

The therapist focuses on integrating the client's kink preferences into the client's life and relationship while working to dispel any guilt or shame tied to their sexual preferences.

Kink-friendly therapists encourage self-acceptance so that the client can enjoy intimacy and have greater peace of mind. Therapy affirming is against repressing the client’s kinks since this often creates self-hatred and shame, which reduce the client's ability to be intimate.

Question 2

What's an example of a kink?

Accepted Answer

According to a 2020 survey, these are the most practiced kinks during the COVID-19 pandemic:

Virtual sex
Dom/Sub
Orgasm control
Bondage
Anal play
Age Play
Foot fetish
Role play
Voyeurism
Sadism/masochism

Kink refers to any "non-conventional" sexual fantasy, desire, or practice such as bondage, discipline (or domination), sadism (or submission) (BDSM). The word kink implies a "bend" in a person's sexual preference compared to traditional sexual behavior.

A kink lifestyle or sexuality is different from a typical vanilla relationship. In short, a kink is a bend from a straight line.

A kink lifestyle includes any sexual preference that lies outside of the "normal" definition. There are different kinks, which primarily involve sexual partners trying new sexy things such as voyeurism, fetishism, masochism, and other erotic fetishes.

Research published by Quebec psychologist Christian Joyal in 2016 found out that almost 50% of people reported interest in at least one or more erotic preferences, which could be described as "kinky",

Question 3

What is kink affirming?

Accepted Answer

There are many ways adults express and enjoy intimacy and sexuality. Among these are kinky preferences such as BDSM and leather. Kink affirming is the practice of accepting these kinky sexual practices as normal in therapy.

Kink affirming is often used to refer to a therapist or clinician who is kink-friendly and able to offer a safe, welcoming and informed environment. This approach differs from the traditional methods used by other mental health professionals. It accepts the client's sexual preferences and how they structure them into their relationships.

Kink affirming also involves accepting the different sexual preferences that are considered kink in patients. It assumes that sexual kinks and fetishes are normal variations of sexuality, better tolerated and integrated into the patient's sexual identity.

Kink affirming therapy is a treatment approach that is not only a non-judgmental area but involves therapists who truly understand and integrate the sexual preferences of their clients into the treatment. It's not just about sex; kinks and other sexual preferences are treated as vital to improving the sexual experience of clients.

Question 4

What does a kink therapist do?

Accepted Answer

A kink therapist authentically accepts the sexual preferences of their client and incorporates them into the therapy. They create a safe space for patients and their partners to discuss their sexual desires and relationship structure. They listen, support, and make their patients feel safe to explore their inner desires without feelings of guilt and shame.

Communication and boundaries are vital when exploring a kink and a kink therapist helps their clients navigate the terms and advocate for their unique needs during the therapy. The therapist ensures all partners feel respected and vital to help make their kinky preferences precisely what they want.

The partners design the sexuality and relationship structure, and a kink-friendly therapist offers advice on setting rules and the importance of sticking to those rules. The therapist differentiates their interests and desires versus those of their clients and focuses on the latter.

Therapists who are kink-friendly deal with their clients as experts on their sexual self and are willing to discuss their desires rather than stop or change their sexual behaviors. Each client uniquely expresses their sexuality. Kink therapists create a space for their clients to be both individually and in a relationship.

Question 5

What is kink-informed?

Accepted Answer

Kink-informed refers to a person who has achieved a level of understanding of sexual kinks that allows them to address the topic with someone that they serve. A counselor, teacher, coach, therapist, or anyone else in a position where they interact with other people in an attempt to guide them may opt to receive special training to become kink-informed.

Because individuals in the kink community have unique needs, research suggests many struggle to find kink-informed mental health care.

The importance of being kink-informed is that it provides the professional individual with the tools that they need to be kink-positive and kink-aware. This is useful when someone comes to them with questions or concerns about a particular kink that they may have.

Rather than being blindsided by a question that someone brings up regarding a kink, the kink-informed professional can help walk the person they are guiding through their thoughts and emotions about the kink.

People who go to therapists, counselors, and others for help often come from a place of vulnerability, and that vulnerability can be turned up to the max when they begin to talk about kinks. The society stigmas that have been drilled into people in regards to kinks can often cause some individuals to clam up about these topics.

Question 6

Can you overcome a kink?

Accepted Answer

Most experts believe that it is not possible to completely eliminate a kink or a specific sexual desire from one's life, but it is possible to regulate the amount of impact that kink has on one's daily life. In other words, a kink can be regulated.

Individuals decide that they will not only attempt to regulate their kink but that they will embrace it. It turns out that kinky behavior is far more common than we may be led to believe. Psychology Today reported on an eye-opening study released in 2016 that showed that the prevalence of kinks is quite high:

In 2016, Quebec psychologist and researcher Christian Joyal published remarkable research, based on a randomized sample survey of Quebec's general population.

The study found that nearly half of the sample reported interest in at least one or more sexual behaviors which von Krafft-Ebing would have described as deviant and pathological. Around one-third of the sample had pursued these behaviors at least once, and many so-called deviant interests, such as voyeurism, fetishism, masochism were reported by participants at levels above what could be considered statistically unusual.

This means that while certain kinks are derided or mocked in popular media, they are actually quite common. Sadly, kink-shaming remains a popular pastime of many media outlets and even individuals.

Casting shame on someone for enjoying a kink is a terrible thing to do, and it may lead them to believe that they must try to overcome their kink. Even worse, many simply suffer in silence not wanting to admit that they have an interest in a kink that is being mocked.

What is kink affirming therapy?

Related questions about kink/diverse sexualities

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