Q: Why do most relationships fail?

According to <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/rediscovering-love/201708/10-reasons-some-people-just-cant-let-go-ex" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">Psychology Today</a>, most relationships fizzle out because of several typical issues such as lack of trust, differences in expectations, and compatibility issues, among many others. Trust issues can occur due to infidelity, jealousy, possessiveness, lack of emotional support, and lack of mutually supportive goals, among other issues. Without trust, a relationship misses essential anchors to a strong bond; safety and security.Relationships can also fail due to a difference in expectations between couples. Over time, couples&#39; expectations in a relationship may differ as each starts pursuing their own goals and plans. Couples can also have compatibility issues that include missing intimacy, differences in personality types, and attachment styles.<h2>Do you know your attachment style? </h2>Take this free, online<a href="https://meetmonarch.com/quizzes/attachment-style" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"> Attachment Styles Quiz</a> today to find out your attachment style. Get a free, customized report too! Knowing your attachment style is the first step to understanding why you act the way you do.

Q: How do you know it's time to give up on a relationship?

Being in love undoubtedly feels good, but love isn&#39;t always the only thing that makes a relationship last. The feelings that come with romantic love can be so strong as to convince people to hang on to an unhealthy, unfulfilling, and unhappy relationship. However, partners must learn to read signs that it is time to let go. Ideally, if your needs are not being met, it is time to go. These needs can be emotional, like wanting quality time to spend with loved ones, or physical, like financial or intimacy needs. Besides, if your relationship leaves you unhappy because you spend more time fighting than talking, it may be time to end it.

Question 1

What is infidelity counseling?

Accepted Answer

Infidelity counseling is therapy focused on the causes of infidelity within a relationship and how to best process an affair and move forward. Licensed marriage and family therapists (LMFTs) specialize in helping couples navigate infidelity.

Infidelity counseling can be a combination of individual and couples counseling. Cheating often stems from individual issues that contribute to relationship issues, and many therapists believe you can’t solve problems in a partnership without solving problems as individuals.

Infidelity counseling helps couples identify why the infidelity occurred, work on issues within themselves and their relationship, and decide the best way to move forward with their relationship.

Question 2

What are the warning signs of a cheating spouse?

Accepted Answer

There are multiple factors that may lead you to believe your spouse is cheating, and the experience is often painful. Trying to gauge the validity of your concerns can be challenging. Many people who worry their spouse is cheating feel anxious and insecure, and are uncertain what to look for.

If you suspect your spouse is being dishonest with you, talking to them about your concerns is generally the best approach. In addition, you can also keep an eye out for some behaviors commonly expressed by those who are cheating, such as:

Their money habits change: If your spouse starts spending more money than usual, or changes their mind about making big, future-minded purchases (like a car or house) with you, this could be a sign they are spending money on someone else or are reluctant to commit to your relationship.

Your sex life changes: Oftentimes, cheating will affect your sex life one of two ways: either your partner suddenly has a lot of new moves, or you stop having sex altogether. While shifts like these can indicate that your partner is involved with someone else, keep in mind that they are also natural for many couples.

The emotional intimacy vanishes from your relationship: Do you feel like your partner has become less communicative and is no longer confiding in you or listening to your thoughts and feelings? This sometimes happens when a spouse is cheating and has stopped paying full attention to their relationship. Regardless of whether your spouse is cheating, emotional intimacy is important. If you feel you're lacking it, it's worth discussing with your spouse.

They are very protective of their phone: It’s normal to keep your phone close—after all, many people’s phones contain practically their entire lives. However, if your partner is very secretive about showing what’s on their screen, or gets stressed out about leaving their phone unattended for a short period of time even while at home, something more may be going on.

Their friends suddenly seem uncomfortable around you: Not everyone tells their friends when they’re cheating, but if your spouse’s friends seem nervous or awkward around you out of nowhere, it could be because they know their friend is cheating. Remember that group social relationships are complicated, and there are also other factors that may contribute to seemingly out-of-the-blue awkward behavior.

When you try to talk about your concerns, your partner gets angry or accuses you: If your partner gets overly defensive when you raise concerns, or frequently accuses you of cheating, this may be a defense mechanism because they themselves are cheating. Furthermore, healthy discussion is an important part of a relationship, and you should be able to talk through issues with your partner without fear of anger or accusation.

While these behaviors are commonly exhibited by those who are cheating, this list is not meant to help determine whether your partner is cheating. If you have concerns about infidelity, trust both your gut and your relationship, and try talking to your spouse. You can suggest couples counseling if you want help facilitating the conversation and working through issues.

Do you know your attachment style?

Take this free, online Attachment Styles Quiz today to find out your attachment style. Get a free, customized report too! Knowing your attachment style is the first step to understanding why you act the way you do.

Question 3

Do cheaters cheat again?

Accepted Answer

While you may have heard the phrase, “Once a cheater, always a cheater,” the truth is more complicated. If someone has cheated on their partner once, it does not necessarily mean they will cheat again. That said, studies show that someone who has cheated once is three times more likely to cheat repeatedly than someone who has never done so.

Sometimes, people cheat because they feel particularly insecure and are seeking external validation. In other cases, they make an uncharacteristic decision due to a perfect storm of circumstance. In situations like these, when the motivating factors for cheating are temporary, it’s likely they won’t cheat again.

In other cases, someone might be what’s known as a serial cheater. A serial cheater is someone who continues to cheat in romantic relationships. Some people cheat multiple times because they struggle with an insecure attachment style, or other emotional issues. Some may repeatedly attempt to commit, but find that monogamy is not for them. Others may cheat because they are aroused by the experience of cheating itself.

Some serial cheaters may have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), a condition that can lead to an exaggerated sense of self-worth and importance, a lack of empathy, and a strong need for attention. Narcissists often have troubled relationships, and may cheat on their partners because they have an insatiable need for admiration and attention, requiring validation from as many sources as possible.

Do you know your attachment style?

Take this free, online Attachment Styles Quiz today to find out your attachment style. Get a free, customized report too! Knowing your attachment style is the first step to understanding why you act the way you do.

Question 4

Why do people cheat on people they love?

Accepted Answer

There is no one reason why people cheat on those they love. Research shows there are multiple factors that can contribute to infidelity. According to one study (which focused mainly on heterosexual young adults), there were a few common explanations people gave for cheating.

1. Falling out of love

Falling out of love with someone can happen for many reasons, and it doesn’t necessarily mean you no longer care for or love them in any way. It is often a confusing experience that can involve exploring (consciously or not) other avenues toward romantic fulfillment, which may lead to cheating.

2. Struggles with commitment

There are multiple factors that can lead to commitment issues, including an insecure attachment style, and a fear of abandonment. This study found that those who cheated were often in relationships characterized by mismatched levels or definitions of commitment between partners.

3. Low self-esteem

Some of the participants in the study were found to have cheated due to feelings of low self-esteem. Under these circumstances, cheating can be based in an effort to enhance their standing in others’ eyes by connecting with someone they consider well-regarded in their social circle. It can also result from a sense that their partner’s positive attention is undeserved or conditional.

4. Desire for variety

Even if they love their partners in a profound and sincere way, some people also crave sexual and romantic variety. Depending on their partner’s feelings, such a situation can sometimes lead to an open or polyamorous relationship, in which clear boundaries and communication allow sexual and romantic exploration.

5. Situational factors

Sometimes the perfect storm of relationship friction and circumstance leads to unexpected, seemingly uncharacteristic cheating. Attraction to another, lowered inhibitions (for example, due to intoxication), and other factors can lead to an act of infidelity. People who cheated for situational reasons said they would not have done so if it weren’t for the specific circumstances of the moment.

Do you know your attachment style?

Take this free, online Attachment Styles Quiz today to find out your attachment style. Get a free, customized report too! Knowing your attachment style is the first step to understanding why you act the way you do.

Do you know your attachment style?

Take this free, online Attachment Styles Quiz today to find out your attachment style. Get a free, customized report too! Knowing your attachment style is the first step to understanding why you act the way you do.

Question 6

What are the three C's of healthy relationships?

Accepted Answer

The three C's of a healthy relationship are:

Communication
Compromise
Commitment

Definitions of each type are included below:

Communication in a relationship is vital to make a partner feel needed, desired, and appreciated. Communication is both verbal and non-verbal, and couples should learn to cultivate robust and easy conversation with each other on any topic. Healthy communication is not always about talking but more about listening and acting. Likewise, it is not what is said that is important but how it is said.

Compromise is critical for a healthy relationship. Ideally, partners share different personalities, experiences, thoughts, and behaviors. Finding common grounds means agreeing on a compromise that makes both partners feel heard and understood.

Commitment typically means putting each other and the relationship first. Commitments need a lot of giving and sacrifice that brings joy and fulfillment to each other's lives. When each partner knows the other is committed, building trust and intimacy becomes easy.

Do you know your attachment style?

Take this free, online Attachment Styles Quiz today to find out your attachment style. Get a free, customized report too! Knowing your attachment style is the first step to understanding why you act the way you do.

Do you know your attachment style?

Take this free, online Attachment Styles Quiz today to find out your attachment style. Get a free, customized report too! Knowing your attachment style is the first step to understanding why you act the way you do.

Question 8

Why do most relationships fail?

Accepted Answer

According to Psychology Today, most relationships fizzle out because of several typical issues such as lack of trust, differences in expectations, and compatibility issues, among many others.

Trust issues can occur due to infidelity, jealousy, possessiveness, lack of emotional support, and lack of mutually supportive goals, among other issues. Without trust, a relationship misses essential anchors to a strong bond; safety and security.

Relationships can also fail due to a difference in expectations between couples. Over time, couples' expectations in a relationship may differ as each starts pursuing their own goals and plans. Couples can also have compatibility issues that include missing intimacy, differences in personality types, and attachment styles.

Do you know your attachment style?

Take this free, online Attachment Styles Quiz today to find out your attachment style. Get a free, customized report too! Knowing your attachment style is the first step to understanding why you act the way you do.

Question 9

How do you fix relationship problems?

Accepted Answer

Fixing relationship problems depends on many factors such as the size of the actual problem, how long it has existed, if both parties want to fix the problems, etc.

There is always the option of couples counseling, which is the best method to ensure the relationship survives, assuming the problems are relatively new. However, for those who cannot afford therapy, there are some other things that may fix relationship problems.

For example, new research has found that simply envisioning the future may help overcome relationship problems. Other research has found that taking a step back and adopting a disconnected, fly-on-the-wall-type outlook can also be an effective way to help resolve relationship conflict.

By taking on this third-person mentality, the person may be better able to see if he or she is reacting to the situation in a way that is reasonable.

Here are some three tips that may help to fix relationship problems:

Treat your partner with kindness. It’s very easy to be critical of a person if they have certain habits you find annoying. However, when you pick a person apart and catalog their flaws (either in your head or vocally during an argument), you risk the chance of your feeling snowballing. Instead, it’s best to act with kindness. Accept your partner, flaws and all. Lead with love, not with disdain. So, whenever you find your mind beginning to count all the things that drive you nuts about your spouse, refocus your thinking.
Be quick to forgive. Holding on to a spouse’s past missteps is a recipe for disaster. It’s best to deal with problems as they arise and then move on.
Avoid using absolute words like “always” or “never”. These words tend to cause pointless arguments that rarely fix relationship problems. Why? Because they are used in statements that most likely aren’t true. For example, you may say, “you never help with the dishes“. However, has he or she really never helped, not even once? Most likely they have, just not as consistently as you would prefer. A likely response may include a laundry list of every time they did the dishes. Instead, to better address this issue, it’s more productive to say, “While I appreciate when you help with the dishes, on most days, you don’t help. Could we agree to a more equal division of this chore?”

Regardless of how you approach fixing relationship issues, it’s important to understand that there is no such thing as a conflict-free relationship. Whether it’s about doing the dishes, having enough sex, or financial disagreements, conflicts are simply part of being in a relationship.

Do you know your attachment style?

Take this free, online Attachment Styles Quiz today to find out your attachment style. Get a free, customized report too! Knowing your attachment style is the first step to understanding why you act the way you do.

Think you might have PTSD?

Take our PTSD quiz to see if you may be suffering from a post-traumatic stress disorder.

Question 14

Can a relationship go back to normal after cheating?

Accepted Answer

If both partners agree that they want to work towards restoring trust and open communication, a relationship can go back to normal after cheating. Some ultimately feel that a relationship is unsalvageable after cheating, while others may recover.

Other factors that may influence the trajectory of a relationship after cheating include the specific circumstances, and the seriousness of the relationship. The most important factor will be your and your partner’s willingness and ability to strengthen the relationship together.

Do you know your attachment style?

Take this free, online Attachment Styles Quiz today to find out your attachment style. Get a free, customized report too! Knowing your attachment style is the first step to understanding why you act the way you do.

Question 15

Is infidelity a trauma?

Accepted Answer

Infidelity in a serious relationship can be a traumatizing experience. Being cheated on is a violation of trust, and can lead to occurrences or resurgences of feelings like depression and anxiety, which are associated with trauma.

Some experts believe that being cheated on can constitute a form of “betrayal trauma,” leading to PTSD-like symptoms.

Question 16

How do I let go of pain caused by infidelity?

Accepted Answer

The pain caused by infidelity can be overwhelming. Even if you want to “just get over it,” your emotions may not play along. Some may choose to end a relationship after infidelity, while others may decide to work on staying together. Either option can be painful, and both require healing.

If you’ve been cheated on and are trying to move past the pain, give yourself time. Lean on your support structure, take care of yourself, and don’t be upset with yourself if healing takes longer than you’d like. Counseling can provide you with coping tools to help.

Do you know your attachment style?

Take this free, online Attachment Styles Quiz today to find out your attachment style. Get a free, customized report too! Knowing your attachment style is the first step to understanding why you act the way you do.

Monarch marriage quiz

If you want to test the strength of your marriage, Monarch has a 3-minute quiz. Answer a few questions and get customized score.

Question 18

Can counseling help with infidelity?

Accepted Answer

There are many reasons a person might seek help in counseling after infidelity. There is no guarantee that counseling will stop someone from cheating again, or eliminate the pain of betrayal.

However, whether you are trying to get over the pain of being cheated on, trying to figure out what led you to cheat on your partner, trying to make your relationship work, or attempting to deal with the issue in another way, counseling can help.

What is infidelity counseling?

Related questions about infidelity

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